Fearless Generations: 12 Steps to Freedom 10/06 by KellyFox | Self Help Podcasts

Fearless Generations: 12 Steps to Freedom 10/06 by KellyFox | Self Help Podcasts

August 13th

Today is my nieces birthday. She is now 17 years old. It is crazy how time flys. They all are growing up to fast. I have a lot of nieces and nephews. Some of them are even older than me.

Yesterday with my self care I feel like I did better. I said more prayers read and studied the scriptures and other church materials. I took my vitamins and my life shotz. But I still haven't exercised or done my yoga video. My plan was to go for a walk with the family but it was 103° so maybe today because it's not as hot yet. It's only 92° right now. I'm really tired today though. I'm not liking this. I have been doing good today with prayers and not much else. The kids are not big on following the schedule anymore this summer. I can't wait for school to start for that reason. But I'm not looking forward to homework or getting up early.

Okay I'm waiting for my second wind. I think I'll get up and take my vitamins and life shotz. Hopefully this will help with the energy level. I have no idea what I'm going to make for dinner. That's always an adventure.

Daniel gets his class schedule tomorrow for his first year of Jr High School. I'm excited about this. I can't wait to see how he reacts to this new way of changing classes and having so many teachers. I have high hopes but I think realistic expectations. Fingers crossed.

Not doing anything wrong, but also not doing much right

I like to lay low most days, blend in to the crowd you might say. I go with the flow. Not big on making decisions but I'm good with planning or researching things out. I can be a people pleaser or peacekeeper. I like to help people and I'm a good listener. I know myself pretty well. All I've shared so far you may recognize and agree with. But what some of you may not know is I have depression and a darkness that can sometimes overwhelm me. I have done many things over the years to combat this disease. Some have helped some have not. But I think I have come to a point in my life where I can no longer live in the middle of the road. I have to take care of myself and love myself to a consistent daily routine of self care. I'm struggling though with where to start. What are my A B C's to this new life I guess. A life where I am a priority. A life that I can trust in me and in my choices and in the goodness of its daily happenings. I have ideas of things that I know I want to be doing, but as the "good Mormon I am" It's a long list. I know that I am not required to be perfect. So I have some thinking to do to get to the core of things and me, to narrow my focus and take it a step at a time.

A couple days after I wrote this I sat down at the kitchen table and started writing a list. Spiritually what do I do to strengthen myself.  Past experience has taught me that prayer is always a good place to start. Morning prayer, nightly prayer. Prayer with my family and with Jay. Studying of the scriptures, and other study materials like Sunday school lessons, and relief society lessons and, my favorite from my mission Gospel principles.  Also important to take the sacrament each week and to fulfill my callings at church and being open to opportunities to share the gospel.

Okay so that is all good and well quite predictable. I wanted to take it further, past what I've tried in the past. So I added a health and wellness list. Taking care of my soul (spirit and body). So exercising and doing yoga. Taking my vitamins and life shotz. Drinking more water and walking the kids to school. Writing acknowledgements and gratitudes, weekly taking time to write a thank you letter to someone. I want to yell less and clean my room.

So this is where I'm starting. I don't have to do it all every day. This is my goal. This is my first step. Wish me luck.

I started yesterday. I took my vitamins and life shotz. I prayed more and drank more water. Today I hope to do more. One day at a time. No pressure to do it all or perfectly. We will see how it goes. I've started my day with prayer and writing you. So far so good. 

Thoughts

Some random thoughts I have been having lately:

There is an attitude of excess. In commercials where people need 7 new pairs of sandals and can't start their day without shopping online at their favorite website,  or need the most expensive this and that. It can be hard to not get caught up in all that. I want all these things for my home for my kids and husband. To be honest for myself too. I have no problem with people having nice things and what they want.  It's when you get so caught up that you get lost in it or beat yourself up because of it or think you are less or live beyond your means and put your life in jeopardy.  That's when we need to step back and focus on what is really important.

Sometimes knowingly or unknowingly we ask someone to hold the line and keep us accountable. It's not a easy job to have. You may not be liked and some may keep their distance. Know if someone is willing to hold that line for you they love you very much. Also know if someone walks away from you, it's not necessarily you. They may have their own judgments to face.

Everyone has done something that they are ashamed of. When you know better, you do better. Move forward.

I believe we all have the ability to choose our life. We make our own choices for what, who we have in our lives. If you want to love someone love them. If you want to do something do it. But if it hurts someone or if you try to take my choices or others away that's when I disagree.

Trying to have no expectations or even trying to lessen or limit them is exhausting. But if you don't want to be disappointed or frustrated constantly it's necessary.

Life isn't fair, but that doesn't mean that it is ugly or vindictive either. Life is a gift. It is our choice what we make of it. Do we grow from our lessons? Do we see each challenge as a opportunity to grow? Life is not easy but it sure does beat the alternative. Live! Go out and try new things. Reach for what makes you happy. Appreciate everything and everyone. It's all a gift.

If you asked me what I would like to do most; I would say travel. I find myself complaining or being envious of others who get to go here and there all the time. I think "oh why not me?" It's not me because I have 5 kids. I also stop myself and remind myself that I have traveled. I am really blessed when I stop and think about it. Five amazing kids, lots of adventures already been had. And a long life in front of me to arrange more adventures. I wouldn't give up any of them for a trip. They are my current adventure. Best one yet.

A baby crys for 4 reasons. 1. He's hungry 2. He's wet 3. He's tired 4. He's in pain. I think what may trip us up is when we think as we get older it gets more complicated. I think we get better at making excuse or hiding our feelings. It's not, so keep it simple. 

Introduction

I realized that my blog is called 8th sister and I haven't shown you them. These are my sisters and yes my cute younger brother. I wouldn't want there to be any confusion on that subject again. I also have a brother. We are in order from youngest to oldest here. This is the last picture I have of us all together. Sadly my oldest sister Barbara lost her two year fight with cancer and is no longer with us.  We are at our annual fondu party in this picture which us to be a Christmas party but now is just a party sometimes in January or whenever we can all get together. As a kid I would look forward to these parties so much. It was the only time we were all together. Now a days we try to get together more often. I really love it. So our names right to left: Barbara, Virginia, Cynthia, Ellie, Shea, Heather, Stacy, me Kelly, and Kent the lone man in the group. Love them!

This picture was taken at Kris (Barbara's oldest daughter) baby shower. That's why Kent is not there. So we are in our "pea pond" order. My "pea" as you can see is Ellie. She is so cute. We have that in common with some other things too. 

This picture is from a fondu party a few years back so there are people missing and what not.

Family is really important to me. I love them lots and I want to get to know them all better.

Stresses of life

Everyone knows that life is stressful. Everyone has there way to keep moving on. But not everyone does it well or wisely. I have struggled with this my whole life. When I was a kid I would run to my room and cry or hide, or zone out on TV. I will eat sweets. None of these things have ever helped the situation,  but I find myself even doing them today.
Being responsible is not easy. Being an adult can suck from time to time. And you can be feeling powerless and alone.
One thing I have learned over the years is if you ask for help it is always there. Maybe not the way you were expecting it or from whom you were expecting but it's there.
I recall in my past my go to was to say "oh nobody loves me". Telling myself that didn't help me in any way. I made choices thinking it would make people love me. Not the best way to help myself but it did help me survive.
Oprah says when you know better you do better. I know better now and I try to do better.
We all need support. We all need help. We wouldn't of come to this life in families if we could do it alone. Obviously the Lord knew I was going to need a lot of help because he placed me in a family of 7 sisters and a brother, my parents and I have also had some amazing friends.
So when I'm stressed I lean on them. I ask for help or support. I get advice and I listen, watch, and pay attention. We have to take action. Doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result is insanity.
I changed by learning new ways to see people, situations, and myself. My path was started on my mission for my church. Than I was lucky to find Fearless Living. Which I have used to change my life into a life where I can see my own ability and power. I am always striving to be better and do better.
I use my tools to fight off fear and pray myself forward. Stress still comes. I still cry and hide from time to time. But I know how to get out of the funk faster and I know how to keep it all going forward. I keep asking for help and for what I need.
So thank you! Because if you're reading this most likely you have helped me.

What's new

Okay well since last I wrote my little brother got engaged. She's a great girl and I think they will keep each other happy and their baby is the cutest. I also was able to spend some time with my sisters. Lots of fun there. Of course I was the butt of a couple jokes but that is my role as the 8th sister.  This all happened on the weekend. It is always nice to be able to be with my siblings. We all have things going on that are so different and we are all in different stages of life. It is interesting to hear the stories and laugh and support each other. 
In other news Jay has been sick for 3 weeks with a cough and other symptoms.  It has not be fun at all. I got sick for a few days but it didn't linger. Luckily none of the kids got sick. He went to the doctor, she wasn't much help. He says he needs more sleep, who doesn't.  Liam is sleeping more at night so hopefully we will all be getting more sleep.
Lily got a massive haircut and donated it to locks of love. She looks very cute but I miss her hair. She does not miss it. She swishs her hair around and no more tangles. She loves it. Irisa and the boys got haircuts too. Everyone is looking quite daper now.
 

Cast iron!

I'm way excited. I have been wanting a cast iron skillet for awhile now and I finally got one for myself. I have been looking up recipes and I can't wait to start using it. Tonight Jay is going to do some steaks. I'm afraid I might burn myself but it's not going to stop me.

Update on self care

For the last 3 days I have taken my vitamins and yesterday I went for a 3 mile walk with my family. I have had more energy and have been sleeping better. Now let's see if I can keep it going.

The weekend

I had a pretty good weekend.
Friday night some of my siblings came up to Fresno and we went to dinner together. That was a lot of fun. We got to talk and catch up a little. And of course razzle each other.
Saturday I went to Tulare to attend a friend's bridal shower. It was lovely done from decorations to food and games. My team didn't win but we had lots of fun laughing and chatting with each other.
Before that I spent time at my sister Stacy's house and then again after. She was a great host. Before heading back to Fresno I got to see my best friend Amanda's new house. It is brand new and very large and beautifully done. I think her family is going to enjoy living there for many years to come. Plenty of space for all 7 of them. Plus she said I can crash there when ever I want!
When I arrived home I was greeted by my kids with excitement and love. "Yay mommy is home!" This is usually saved for Jay but I guess they miss me too sometimes.
A big thank you to Kyla Fox who offered to drive me around all day. And who listens without judgment to my ramblings. Providing amble adult conversation which I rarely find at home. Thanks again. ♡
Sunday I took my new commitment to self care seriously. I got up after 12, allowing myself plenty of sleep which I never get. Then Jay made me my favorite breakfast, California eggs benidic, which he's never made before. It was so yummy. I told him now that I know he can do it I'm going to be wanting it for breakfast all the time. After everyone ate we slowly got dressed and went out for a family walk. The older kids rode their scooters and Jay carried Liam in a pouch thing. I pushed the stroller for those who got tired to rest in (Hazel and Lily). We did 3 miles along the sugar pine trail. It is lined with 4400 trees. It was a great day for a walk. The kids did pretty good with it and I think we might start doing it once a week.
Finishing the night off with my chicken pie for dinner and the Oscars on.
So yeah pretty good weekend.

To clear up a misunderstanding

Some have told me that from my first post they thought I was saying that I was the youngest in my family. I am the youngest girl in my family. I have a younger brother. I never took care of him in my defense. I have a whole other kind of issues from him. But I didn't want people thinking that he wasn't a part of us.

Breaking point

I had a ruff day, trying to function on maybe 4 hours of sleep. It's hard to wear all my hats and be nice all the time when I constantly get no sleep. So I think I have decided that enough is enough and I need to start taking care of me. Making better choices for my health and wellbeing. So that I have more control over myself and can show up how I want to and not the other. The trick is to keep my resolve last to tomorrow. So I will report back on how committed I stay to myself. Putting my self care and needs before others is healthy for me and my family. With me functioning at a higher level will bring everyone more joy and fun in their day. It's a win win.

Self care

So I really don't take good care of myself. I would never let my kids eat like me. But for some reason I have an issue caring enough for myself to do anything different. I want to eat better and exercise but I don't do anything. I want to try the Virgin diet by JJ Virgin. I want to do the Metamorphosis work out dvds. I just don't have the energy to research it and make it happen. I have gotten closer to wanting to do the leg work.  Hopefully soon. But why is it that it takes so much more effort when it's for me. If this was something for my child or Jay I would have it done by now. I am worth the effort!  I need to just do it. Anyone want to do it with me? Let me know. Thanks

My sisters

My sisters

Oldest to Youngest

or right to left and back to front:

Barbara Sayre

Virginia Strawser

Cynthia Padgett

Ellie Pitts

Shea Gowin

Heather Silva

Stacy Bostrom

and me

Kelly Fox

Pie tonight

I made chicken pie tonight. And everyone liked it. I mixed cream of chicken and cream of mushroom soap. Then chunks of fried boneless chicken breast, corn and cheddar cheese. I put it in the oven for 15 minutes at 350°. Then the best part.  You top it with stuffing and cook it another 30 minutes. So yummy. I love that I can try new things and they actually turn out.

Where do you fall in line?

Being the eighth daughter of my father I was automatically given an identity of "the baby".  But how do you move past that? How do you become more or be seen differently than as a baby your whole life? I continually struggle with being heard and seen for who I am and not who I was. As the youngest I was given the easiest chores and never allowed in the kitchen growing up. Which at the time was great but as an adult I found that I didn't know how to do anything. I didn't have younger siblings to take care of, I wasn't given much to be responsible for and I didn't know how to cook or clean.  I have over the years learned, and continue to learn, how to move past this. Gaining my own style and mode of figuring things out. I have learned from friends, popular TV shows, church meetings, and online search engines. I was motivated by need. When I moved away I had to wash my clothes, feed myself and pay bills. When I got married the needs increased. I was now taking care of two. Then I started having children and I was overwhelmed with the skills and information I lacked. Slowly but surely I have started to accumulate skills, tools, and strategies to keep my house some what clean, my 5 children alive and us all fed. This blog is for me to share what I have learned and my journey forward. Please come join me. Share your stories and suggest away with things that have helped you.