August 13th

Today is my nieces birthday. She is now 17 years old. It is crazy how time flys. They all are growing up to fast. I have a lot of nieces and nephews. Some of them are even older than me.

Yesterday with my self care I feel like I did better. I said more prayers read and studied the scriptures and other church materials. I took my vitamins and my life shotz. But I still haven't exercised or done my yoga video. My plan was to go for a walk with the family but it was 103° so maybe today because it's not as hot yet. It's only 92° right now. I'm really tired today though. I'm not liking this. I have been doing good today with prayers and not much else. The kids are not big on following the schedule anymore this summer. I can't wait for school to start for that reason. But I'm not looking forward to homework or getting up early.

Okay I'm waiting for my second wind. I think I'll get up and take my vitamins and life shotz. Hopefully this will help with the energy level. I have no idea what I'm going to make for dinner. That's always an adventure.

Daniel gets his class schedule tomorrow for his first year of Jr High School. I'm excited about this. I can't wait to see how he reacts to this new way of changing classes and having so many teachers. I have high hopes but I think realistic expectations. Fingers crossed.

Not doing anything wrong, but also not doing much right

I like to lay low most days, blend in to the crowd you might say. I go with the flow. Not big on making decisions but I'm good with planning or researching things out. I can be a people pleaser or peacekeeper. I like to help people and I'm a good listener. I know myself pretty well. All I've shared so far you may recognize and agree with. But what some of you may not know is I have depression and a darkness that can sometimes overwhelm me. I have done many things over the years to combat this disease. Some have helped some have not. But I think I have come to a point in my life where I can no longer live in the middle of the road. I have to take care of myself and love myself to a consistent daily routine of self care. I'm struggling though with where to start. What are my A B C's to this new life I guess. A life where I am a priority. A life that I can trust in me and in my choices and in the goodness of its daily happenings. I have ideas of things that I know I want to be doing, but as the "good Mormon I am" It's a long list. I know that I am not required to be perfect. So I have some thinking to do to get to the core of things and me, to narrow my focus and take it a step at a time.

A couple days after I wrote this I sat down at the kitchen table and started writing a list. Spiritually what do I do to strengthen myself.  Past experience has taught me that prayer is always a good place to start. Morning prayer, nightly prayer. Prayer with my family and with Jay. Studying of the scriptures, and other study materials like Sunday school lessons, and relief society lessons and, my favorite from my mission Gospel principles.  Also important to take the sacrament each week and to fulfill my callings at church and being open to opportunities to share the gospel.

Okay so that is all good and well quite predictable. I wanted to take it further, past what I've tried in the past. So I added a health and wellness list. Taking care of my soul (spirit and body). So exercising and doing yoga. Taking my vitamins and life shotz. Drinking more water and walking the kids to school. Writing acknowledgements and gratitudes, weekly taking time to write a thank you letter to someone. I want to yell less and clean my room.

So this is where I'm starting. I don't have to do it all every day. This is my goal. This is my first step. Wish me luck.

I started yesterday. I took my vitamins and life shotz. I prayed more and drank more water. Today I hope to do more. One day at a time. No pressure to do it all or perfectly. We will see how it goes. I've started my day with prayer and writing you. So far so good.